Curiosity in Action: What Does This Moment Feel Like to Them?

It’s easy to focus on what we see a dog doing: pulling, barking, hiding, hesitating. But behaviour is only one part of the story.

If we want to really understand what’s going on, we need to go deeper.
Not just “What are they doing?”
But “What does this moment feel like to them?”

That shift from observing behaviour to understanding internal experience is where meaningful support begins. Because dogs aren’t just reacting to events, they are responding to how those events are interpreted by their brain and experienced in their body.

The nervous system shapes behaviour

Our dogs’ responses are shaped by how their nervous system evaluates the moment. Are they safe? Uncertain? Overwhelmed? Ready to engage? That evaluation isn’t just cognitive, it’s physiological, influencing their body state and behaviour. Breathing, heart rate, muscle tension, posture, orientation, even digestive state… all of these give us clues about how the dog is feeling, long before we see a behaviour we might label.

So when we ask “What does this feel like to them?”, we’re tuning into something deeper:

Does their body feel soft or tense?
Are they scanning for information or seeking connection?
Is their weight moving forward with interest or back with caution?
Are they able to rest, eat, or engage — or does everything feel too much?

These questions can help us respond to the dog in front of us, not just the behaviour they’re showing.
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Why your dog may stop eating in stressful moments

When we start asking “What does this moment feel like to them?”, we often notice small but meaningful shifts, ones we might have missed if we focused only on behaviour.

One example that many guardians experience is food refusal in certain moments.

You’re out on a walk and your dog suddenly stops. You crouch down, speak softly, offer a treat, but they turn their head away. It’s easy to think, “They’re being stubborn” or “They don’t like the treat.” But if we stay curious about how this moment feels to them, a different picture often emerges.

Maybe their heart rate is elevated and their digestion has slowed because they’ve just perceived something that triggered a sense of threat.

Maybe they’re orienting, gathering information, and food simply isn’t a priority right now.

Maybe their body is saying, “This isn’t a time to eat. I’m still deciding if I’m safe.”

The more we learn to notice these subtle shifts, the more compassionate and effective our support becomes.

Why this question matters

When we shift from behaviour to experience, we stop trying to “fix”what we see and start supporting what the dog is feeling.It’s not about asking the dog to behave differently, it’s about helping them feel differently. And when their body feels safe, behaviour tends to follow.

Ways to stay curious about how your dog feels

Here are a few simple questions you can ask to help you stay present and curious about your dog’s experience in the moment:

What might this feel like for them right now?
Is this environment asking a lot of them?
Are they showing signs of effort, softening, or stress?
What can I do to help them feel more secure in this moment?

Staying curious about what your dog feels

Understanding your dog means more than observing their behaviour. It means getting curious about how they’re experiencing the world, physiologically, emotionally, and relationally.

Because when we understand what the moment feels like to them, we’re much better placed to support what they need.And that’s what builds true connection:
Not control, but compassion.
Not assumption, but curiosity.